Death Bells
by DaughterOfPlut0
Summary: L's mind takes him back to his first memories and all the emotions all along his life right before dying in the arms of Light Yagami. / L's last thoughts.


_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

Where am I? For a moment I don't feel anything, and I can't move. It's not hot, nor cold. I don't feel hunger, nor thirst, nor do I feel pain.

The ringing bells have been particularly deafening during the last hours but now... Now I'm here. Now I can visualize them. Their vibrations shake my entire body.

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

It's a funeral, but whose? Sounds and images all mix together making me dizzy.

I hear kids weep, and I breathe in smoke. I look at the vitrils of the church, their colours so, so bright that my eyes hurt. And of course, I keep hearing those damn church bells.

A white flash and I'm suddenly I'm in her arms, I recognize her smell, and the sweetness in her voice. _Mum_, now I remember! And now I can see you. I try to reach for her face with my hand and I'm shook to find it is small, very small...

I'm blinded by yet another white flash light, and I hear his voice this time. That voice that has been buried so deep in my memory, until now: _father_. I see him look at me with a straight face at first, but soon his expression becomes smooth. They both look so young...

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

The bells keep groaning and I feel someone's hand holding mine firmly. White little snowflakes fall unceasingly all around us, and my body barely feels warm under my coat and my oversized scarf. Wammy. He smiles at me from above, assuring me I'll be okay. I know that.

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

I see children crying. Well, they're not children, in fact, they are much older than me. They look up at me from the ground, startled, and they have been punched in the face. Did I do that? Wammy takes my hand and leads me to a separated room.

One by one, I see the faces of all the other kids while they play, fight, run, or laugh.

I see hers, reading in the corner. She's my size, and never speaks to anyone. Her black, long hair hangs loose, and some freckles cover her nose. Her eyes are big, and so dark...

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

I see her sip from a tea cup that's bigger than her whole face, and chase a squirrel through the backyard. I hear her cry to Wammy at night, and I see her smile everytime he hands her a new book to read.

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

"_Thank you!_" She looks to me with her bright, tearfull eyes, and wipes one tear with her t-shirt sleeve right before it slides down her cheek. It's 2 a.m and I gave her the chocolates Wammy bought me to try to make her stop crying. He looks at us curiously.

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

When do these bells stop? It's been ten years now, and I watch her from the backseat of the car. She walks out her college building and walks past right before us. Her hair falls way down past her shoulders, and she is wearing red lipstick. She is still as beautiful as she was as a child. I smile to myself, that's enough for me.

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

I'm still in the backseat of the car, but this time it's been five more years. I see her wander under the cherry trees holding hands with a young man. I know she is a writer. I've got all her books, in fact, but she is also a housewife. Her ring finger from her left hand has a golden ring on it.

I think I feel something within me. It's as if something broke, but it's so far away that I can't really react to it.

"_That could have been me._" It's a recurrent thought.

Maybe in a parallel universe. Maybe in another life. A life in which my interior wouldn't be protected by such a thick shell. A life in which I could follow my wildest instincts without so many filters.

Another world in which my heart wouldn't have fallen deeply asleep for the rest of my life at such a young age.

A universe in which I wouldn't have dedicated my whole existence to _being_ justice.

Maybe I could have approached her, and let her know that I was always watching her in case something bad happened. Tell her that her happiness was my own, even now that I was seeing her smile like I never saw her before with someone that wasn't me.

"_I wish you a good life, Haru. The kind of life I could have never gave you."_

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

All the faces of all the people I worked with come to me in another flash. Naomi, the closest to a friend I had. Her fianceé Raye, both death in the hands of Kira. Now I know, suddenly I know. I feel something, but I'm not sure it is grief.

Chief Yagami, Matsuda, Aizawa, Mogi... I see their faces one by one. Thank you for your help. I could have never got so far if it wasn't for you all.

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

Misa Amane. So pretty, so smart, yet so blind, or should I say stupid. Dedicating her life to someone like Light Yagami... I know for sure she is Kira 2. Now, I don't know how, all my doubts have vanished. I just need to tell the others about it...

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

Near and Mello. I shudder: I didn't get to choose who my succesor would be.

I see Near pile up toys, and solve his plain white puzzle with almost no difficulty. He has an unwavering calmness, and even more incapacity than myself to bond with other humans, something that surely can be a two-edged sword. I know he will get far in life, whether I choose him or not.

Mello, on the other side, is beyond smart, but he has such an impulsive personality that neither Near nor I have, and a passion I personally envy. I can hear his chocolate bar break everytime he gives it a bite...

My choice could not have been any more difficult. But please, both of you, _do justice_.

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

Watari's face, or as I call him, Wammy.

I see him smile gently at me as he dresses me with one of my plain white t-shirts the way he has been doing since I was a kid. I see us both in his desk. An only 9-year-old-me standing by his side, giving him directions as to how to manage his business. I see him preparing tea for me so many times that I couldn't keep the count if I tried.

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

The door opens in front of me: He is sitting in front of the monitors, watching, and I walk to him from behind.

"_Ryuzaki? What's going on? What is it?_"

He speaks to me but I can only stare. I can't tell him. I can't tell him that I hear bells groan and that I think my death's near.

_I'm scared._

I feel alone, distressed, and anxious. But I can't tell him, the shell of my heart won't let me say a word. I feel trapped inside a bottle made of the thickest glass.

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

I stand under the rain with the hopes of feeling something, but no. My t-shirt sticks to my body, and heavy drops fall from the tip of my nose, but I don't even feel cold. Just that deafening sound...

_Bong... Bong... Bong..._

All the sounds and images mix violently once again, and my head feels like it is about to explode.

And there, I feel something. It grows inside from the bottom of me... Is it pain?

My chest hurts. And my heart stops.

My blood flow stops. I feel myself fall straight to the floor, barely cushioned by Light Yagami's arm. My sight focuses, and I come back to reality. _Here and now_.

Wammy is dead.

_And so am I_.

"_Kira._" I mumble, and Light Yagami gives me a triumphant smile. My eyelids become too heavy, and my eyes start to close, althought that's not what I want. It's easy to talk about death when it is uncertain, but the truth is that no, I don't want to die.

I fall into despair: _Not now, not here, not like this_.

Light's curved lips are the last thing I ever see.

The bells finally stop. Now there's only peace.


End file.
